Jody wants to write a post today. I am reluctantly letting him do it. I know that it might be a little crude, so I apologize ahead of time :)
Today's post: Have you ever used the water closet in Ukraine?
Well, let me tell you, today I did. In America our bathrooms have commodes and some bathrooms in Ukraine have commodes, most do not. There are actually five kinds of water closets in Ukraine: 1. The ones like America 2. The ones like in America except missing the lid. 3. The ones on the floor, Its porcelain too, but its flat and has places for you to put your feet on either side. 4. The ones outside. (Simply a hole in the ground, out house) 5. The woods. So far on our trip to Ukraine I have already managed to use 4 out of the 5 different kinds! WOW! Each shared its own unique experience between me and the water closet that I will probably never forget. Deep in the recesses of my mind I know that one day when I am sitting in a restaurant playing that electronic trivia game like you can play at buffalo wild wings I will get asked a question about Ukrainian commodes and then my dream will be realized of scoring 1000 points on some random trivia
game! We visited the court house today to get some paper work notarized and in the middle of all of that I had to use the water closet. I figured we are in the court house it has to be a good restroom. Well, it was very clean but upon realizing this was a number two trip to the water closet I opened the stall to see that the commode was flush with the floor and there was a strange place on the porcelain for my feet. I thought about waiting until we got back to our apartment but this was one of those, IT CANT WAIT MOMENTS! So I walked in, squatted down like I was attempting to break the world record in the power squat for weight lifting or like I was an extra in the movie "Quest for fire" and went for it. Everything went well only to finish stand up and realize that I missed the whole dang commode. How could I do this? I was standing right over it! Now I really have a problem....what do I do? Should I ask for help? I cant do that because I don't know "I took a dump on the floor" in Russian! So I did the American thing..I improvised...I took the bowl cleaning wand that thankfully was there and flipped the excrement like a burger ( By the way which I miss very much, the burger that is) into the commode after several flushes and wallah!, I was finished! Except I had another problem, no toilet paper. Thankfully, Joni put those baby wipes in my backpack and I was able to get all cleaned up and get out of there without a single molecule of poop on me, my shoes, or my jeans!!! I don't know what is more impressive, this very true tale or the fact that I was able to work in "Quest for fire" into my story!!!! TIP of the day....Don't take a dump backwards in a Ukrainian bathroom!!
Ok, now for today's update.
We found Yarik at the orphanage this morning. We met in the orphanage directors office. They said that Yarik had some questions for us. He started to ask us some questions and then Alex showed him our photo album. He looked through it and then had no questions. Everyone in the room was speaking Russian and we were just listening. I couldn't help but think as I was listening to everybody that here is a 16 year old boy that is signing a piece of paper to be separated from his brother and sister. No matter what kind of kid he is, this made me very sad - thinking about what he must have been thinking. He hasn't had parenting his whole life, he spent the last 4 years in an orphanage, and this kid has to make a decision like this. We wondered if he was wishing that he would have had the same opportunity. I'm glad that this part is finished, but it made me feel really sad for Yarik. It looked like he was trying to put up a tough guy front but I know that he must be hurting. Obviously we cannot adopt him but it broke our hearts to see him have to make it official to separate from his little brother and sister.
Once we got the letter, we ran all around town getting things notarized and we don't even know what else. We ran from one office to the next and waited in the car while Alex did some more running around. We found out that we have to go to the town that is close to their village to finish the separation. They have a council that meets twice a month that can make this decision. Their next meeting is June 29th. Of course, we can't stay here that long so tomorrow Alex has to try to get them to change that meeting to sometime this week so we can have court next week. Yarik will probably go with us to that meeting when we go. We didn't get to see the kids today. We will see them tomorrow.
God Bless,
Jody
Jody, I was totally cracking up about your story, because I did EXACTLY the same thing when I had to use one of those darn toilets in Ukraine. Except I only had the teeny tiny piece of toilet paper they give you when you use the public toilet. It was quite the adventure!
ReplyDeleteSheila
For the record, I now claim it to be illegal to post subjects such as "I took a dump on the floor" with something as serious as separation of siblings. I went from laughing hysterically to "awww" im .2 seconds.
ReplyDeleteBut to the funny part. OH.MY.GOODNESS. That is rediculiously funny and I love that you shared it with the world! I am totally going to have my husband read this as an FYI. Bwahahahahahahahaa
Thinking best wishes as Alex persuades the comittee to change the date. As someone in Ukraine once said "There is no answer but yes, you just have to find out how to get to yes."
Fear not.
What a brave guy Yarik is.
Nice story Jody, nice. Very unselfish of Yarik.
ReplyDeleteAM I the only one that walked in, saw the hole in the floor and promptly walked back out? I only saw one toilet like this on our 5-6 hour drive from Odessa to Kyiv. One sight (and whif!) and I flew out of there. Our driver insisted I had to use it because it was a long ride, I told him I didnt care. I pulled the princess card. No way, no how.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! I would not use that in a million years. So gross. I would rather go outside. Everywhere we go, I check out the bathroom and use it if its decent - whether or not I need to go. So far I've had good luck :) I can't believe you only saw one of these. Did you see the outhouse ones? I was thinking that I doubt Bogdan has ever used a regular toilet.
ReplyDeleteNope, but we were in a major city so I guess we had better luck. The worst toilet I saw in Odessa was the orphanage one, and it was only bad because it was poorly lit, was damp, and had buckets of water to use when the water got shut off. But it was a typical toilet. We were spoiled. Honestly, I didnt ask to use one anywhere else... too scared ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my heck!! This is so so funny. My husband would love this post.
ReplyDeleteI would buy a book written by you, Jody!!!
ReplyDelete